things bad, things good

Man I wish I knew what “stable” felt like. what does it feel like to.. know what to expect from a day? I can never really tell if I’m gonna have a good or a bad day, or if I’m gonna have energy to feed myself, or if I’m gonna be hungry all day before starvation kicks in and I get the primal motivation to eat something. I never know if I’ll suddenly get a burst of energy and do like 5 days worth of things I’ve been putting off. or if I’ll do one thing, get too exhausted to stay awake and take a nap that ruins my whole schedule. who knows!!! every day is a roll of a very shit die.

that aside, things have been bad! though I think they’re like.. leading towards Better at the moment (especially because I talked with apri, and a friend, and felt less alone due to that)

Also managed to clean my kitchen today!!! I’ve been avoiding going there, so also avoiding eating for days because I didn’t wanna see the mess. But now it’s clean. wooooo…

I’m always annoyed I have nothing positive to write here but I guess that’s life lmfaooo

Gotta keep trying. Gotta keep trying. Gotta keep at it.

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